I’ve been very quiet as of late. I’m struggling and I’m working hard to pull myself away from the cliff.
My wonderful doctor let me go two months before the next appointment and I think it was a brillant move on her part. It has given me more time to see how I’m responding to the dosage and it’s become obvious an adjustment is necessary.
I am apparently doing a wonderful job of pretending like I’m okay because those closest to me have commented I seem so much better. Don’t get me wrong, I am a million times better than before I met with my new doctor, but I can feel myself slipping.
It’s subtle. I have to force myself to get things done each day as opposed to dropping the kids off, coming home for my daily quick clean up, and then off to work. I have only taken one shift with Amazon in the past month. I did do an acting gig, but that was it.
I need to get back to work. I need to stop coming home and just falling asleep from pure exhaustion. I see the doctor in a few weeks and I’m sure she will help me get back on track. It’s just part of the process.
There have been a few changes I have had to make to remove what had become toxicity in my life. I won’t lie, it was difficult, but immediately I felt a weight lift off of me.
I am focused on myself getting mentally stable and making sure the kids are happy and living with the best mom I can possibly be. They deserve it.